I Built My Life Around You

Posted by Christy Steele on

We have talked in the past about our fears. On our Facebook lives we have teased each other about our "irrational" fears. And although that's been a hot topic for us in the past, the point of the conversations wasn't really about the fears themselves. The point is overcoming the fears. The point is not passing those fears on. The point is supporting each other through all the "irrational" stuff. The phrase "fear not" appears in the Bible at least eighty times. That has to mean something, right? I am certain that satan uses fear to immobilize and limit us. Doesn't that just make you so angry? That makes me so mad I could just spit! Shelly and I have discussed this a lot. I have been thinking about how grateful I am for the seasons. Not the seasons related to weather (although, yes, I'm thankful for those too) but the seasons of our lives. Sometimes it's sad that a season is ending...or happy...or a bit of both. It can also be scary. The unknown of the next season is enough to make you want to cling to the remnants of the one that's passing. Have you ever held on to a relationship, routine, or whatever out of habit? It's not habit. It's fear.  Friends, I refuse to do that anymore. In recent days, my poor husband has heard me lament of a big decision that I've been wrestling with. I said, "I've been praying. I've asked for my own voice to be silenced and God's to be heard. I've asked God for signs." My husband's reply? I kid you not. "How many do you need? It seems like you've been getting a lot of signs." How do we know if we are right where God wants us or if we are missing out because of fear to change? Let's take one step forward. If God can open doors, can He not close doors also? Let's have bold faith. This applies not to just big decisions. Maybe you have a child leaving for college soon. Let me say, that is an over whelming changing of seasons. Have I prepared my child enough? Will the Lord's voice be heard stronger than the world's voice for him or her? Where will the money come from? I've been there. Shelly is there now. She is shoveling through that trench of fear and the unknown. The excitement. The uncertainties. She can't let those fears keep her daughter from boldly stepping into the next season of her life.  My daughter is now moving on from the college season to her new career season.  And through all of this, those old fears returned that I had when she first went away to college. And it boils down to this. I can no longer protect my child. That is a fear that has taken my breath away this past week. My inner battle has been raging. "Do not pass your fears to your daughter."  "Encourage her to step out boldly." Countless times my conversations with her have started with, "I know that you know this, but I have to say it..."  Over the past two weeks, in our home, we have been back on life's roller coaster: praying God's will over job interviews, rejoicing in the exciting job offer, scrambling to look for safe and affordable housing for our child in a town two hours away, moving our child, having other unexpected big expenses, and me groaning because of a painful foot condition that has made doing all of it even more challenging...The ole sneaky snake satan has really had my number. It all reminds me of a favorite Stevie Nicks song, Landslide. The lyrics go, "I've been afraid of changing, cause I built my life around you..." Can anyone else connect with that? My husband came home last night and did a wellness check with me. My response: "I cried a lot today." LOL!!!  And I told myself this morning I wouldn't cry today. But I have already broken that promise. Today I have cried because it is February. And that is a whole blog in itself. But I feel a little less fearful today. I can't say I have mastered the "Fear not". I'm in the "Fear less" part of it all. But I'm not letting it immobilize me. I'm walking through the quicksand, but I'm walking.  I'll count that as a victory.  God understands, and even "Jesus wept." --John 11:35


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